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One thing that will kill your chances at a relationship

I HAVE TO address this issue...


Because it happened to me again recently... as in... I was the victim of it... again...


I recently reconnected with someone who I knew when we were teenagers. We texted back and forth a few times with the other person asking increasingly strange questions... and they had been a nice but awkward teen way back then... and had a career with computers ever since.


I was responding as best I could based on the weird questions until finally I just didn't respond... I had other things to do and honestly... it wasn't fun anymore. The initial enthusiasm I had to reconnect was gone because of the weirdness of the conversation.


They sent me another text or 2 to which I didn't respond to... and then they sent a shortish obviously hurt... victim type message ending the relationship with "take care".


I have been guilty in the past of dong the exact same thing... sending the message and being hurt when someone didn't respond quick enough for my liking.


Perhaps you can relate?


I got some good advice about this years ago on the net... and I don't remember who said it... and I don't remember the exact way they put it but it went something like this:

 

ALWAYS... ALWAYS... ALWAYS... do the more relaxed thing.


 

What this means is: Chill the Fuck Out


When you send a text for example and the other person doesn't respond right away... and you feel yourself getting impatient... (assuming that it isn't urgent)... Under no circumstances send them a text freaking out at them.


PERIOD


You don't know what's going on in their life... maybe they are at the doctor's office getting bad news, maybe they lost their phone, maybe they were in a car accident, or their grandma died, or maybe their phone just died or they are having problems with their network.


If you freak out... you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS end up looking like a tool... and you can apologize after... but the damage is already done and they may decide that dealing with your bullshit just isn't worth it.



 

!!!2020 UPDATE!!!


It happened again... twice... WITH THE SAME GIRL!!!


So I matched with a girl recently on #Tinder and things were going really good... and then she got really quiet for a couple of days.


I didn't send a bunch of messages demanding WTF was going on... or whining about why she didn't like me anymore, or getting angry about her silence.


NOOOOOOOOOOO


I know better than that! I was just patient... and confident in the job I had done in the previous few days of texting to create ample attraction. Sure enough she started texting again.


She had been in a car accident!


It was only a few days before that that I had been teasing her (good naturally) about being a bad driver... like literally the last message I sent before she went silent.


Hahaha!


She wasn't injured in the accident but her car will need some work.


Then it happened again... less than a week later... she went silent for the second time.


I didn't send her snide messages, I didn't get all grumpy and #butthurt like the guy below... I was just patient... and sure enough... she contacted me.


This time it was more serious... her dad had died.


I'm not making this up!


But can you imagine how bad I would have looked if I had reacted to her silence like the #dumbass below? If I had thrown a little hissy fit and called her names and belittled her. That door would have closed forever. And yes... I know... there are a thousand other "doors" to open... but why be the douchbag? I come out ahead by being more relaxed.


Yes... in my head I was saying to myself... WTF??? But over text I was calm and unphased and things are back on track!


 

This has been one of the most important lessons I have EVER learned in my life!


Actually... I'm glad that there are dudes out there like this freak show below... IN VAST QUANTITIES... because it makes me stand out to women in a more attractive, positive way!


Think about it for a second... do you think women... quality women... are attracted to this guy?


Maybe initially based on looks... but after he pulls this shit they unmatch or block him very quickly... and I don't blame them... I would do the same!



I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU FEEL LIKE SAYING IT...


... don't


JUST DON'T SAY IT!


EV-ER


"But she should have responded"


Ya... maybe she should have... but for whatever reason she didn't... and because you chose to bitch her out over it... you and your hurt ego are no longer a part of their life... and you missed another opportunity.


For most guys... they don't get many chances to shoot their shot.


It's even a bigger deal when it's a good friend or family member... the damage to the relationship may mean years of not speaking.


Yes... I know... this is just one example... but there has NEVER been a single time in my life where freaking the fuck out made the situation better... NOT EVEN ONE! But there have been tons of times when I chilled out and got to smile smugly afterwards when I realized that I did the right thing by being relaxed!

I see this same kind of thing happen with my daughter recently... and she has struggled to make friends in the past and freaking out would have made life for her soooooooo much harder. But... fortunately... she hasn't taken the aggressive path... she hasn't sent any freak out type texts... that I'm aware of hahaha.


I see this on the internet LOTS when a guy is interested in a girl and texts her and she doesn't respond... which yes... I understand is frustrating... and then the guy sends another slightly more annoyed text... and another and another.


Each message gets more angry and is one more nail in that coffin... until he is calling her terrible names and saying terrible things. Aaaannnd without caring about his little melt down... she blocks him and goes on with her day and he has lost any possibility of anything happening between them.


Something else to consider... If she wasn't responding in the first place... perhaps there wasn't as much going on as he hoped there would be. Probably because he doesn't know how to create attraction.


Just Google Tinder Nightmares and you'll see what I mean.


There are many offshoots of this but I will discuss them in other posts.



#overreacting #makingfriends #angrytexting #calmdown